Monday, September 12, 2011

An evening at the Mommy Spa!

It was last night.
It was 4:30 AM.
And I got the "Triple P Package".

We start off with a little Puke, just a little, we like to ease in. Just a tad on your shoulder. Then, a little down the front of your shirt - like a peaceful waterfall. Wipe it around, to rub it in a little. Don't bother changing the shirt, there will be more.

Then we move on to the second P. Poop. Yes, lots of that! As you are changing the diaper, this Poop gets kicked around, spread around, smeared around. Oops, a little on your pants? Well, that's part of the fun! Take a fresh wipe, smear it around, rub it in, and move on!

Diaper off? Okay, time to move on to the the third P. Yep, you guessed it! Pee! Wee!!! Let's just spray that Pee everywhere! All over mommy, all over the bed, the sheets, the comforter, the pillow, even down to the floor! This 3rd P is like a cleansing rinse from the first 2 P's. A warm shower, if you will.

After the refreshing Pee shower, we mustn't forget one final coating of Puke - kind of like a moisturizing lotion. A soothing end to your evening of relaxation. Just let it wash over you and sink down into your pores.

Ahhhhhhh. Your skin will never be the same. And the scent? Oh, heavenly.

It is amazing! I highly recommend it. If you'd like to join me - you are more than welcome. In fact, this spa is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for your convenience!

The best part, though? The very best part? The "for real" best part?
Is the reward at the end:

Makes it all worth it.


Anonymous said...

awww what a lovely night!! I felt like my first true "mommy moment" when I got peed on while changing her in a public restroom. gotta love it! and yes, the reward is far too good to even really care about the triple P's :)

Melissa Huntley said...

Don't forget ~ It's all Natural and Organic. You could charge extra.

Mars said...

Ah, yes. Organic!
So, are you interested? Oh, I forgot to mention, there is a soundtrack that plays, too, during your spa treatment. It's very invigorating. It goes kind of like, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Christi said...

So cute.

Elaine said...

I am getting it times 2! I will think of you at 3am when I am feeding the babies. :)

Susan said...

So funny because as a mom we've all been there. The puke and the poop are hard to contain, but Marlene don't ya' know by now that you've got to cover the "P" so you don't get peed on? And all the while the husbands don't quite get why we're not feeling romantic in that new mommy mode. LOL I don't think I ever had the 3 in one day though.

Rachel Clear @ Clearly Speaking said...

Sounds like a lovely evening indeed. Hahahahaha!

lori said...

What a great post. Body fluid bonanza.